I’ve been a bit ill the last couple of days so hopefully this explains the following madness based on my feverish train of thought. I should also say that I really hope that I don’t offend anyone, but here goes …
Reading Cycling health New Zealand I notice that a helmet exemption can be applied for in the following way:
Under subclause 7 of “Land Transport (Road User) Rule 2004 section 11.8 Safety Helmets for Cyclists”, it’s possible to seek an exemption from wearing a cycle helmet. You can apply on the grounds of religious belief or physical disability or other reasonable grounds.
Apparently, reasonable grounds do not include the fact that the helmet law has been a disaster and is a complete joke. In NZ, it’s akin to ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’, and in the rest of the world everyone thinks we are completely stupid.
So I started to think about starting up my own religion with strict ‘no helmet wearing’ rules, and what was involved. The internet being such a fabulous entity, I came across the following information in response to my Google search ‘how to start a religion’ – simple!
How to create your own religion in 10 easy steps!
It includes helpful hints on things like naming your god:
“Make sure that the Full Title and Name are Always Capitalized. This is because everybody knows that something that has Capital Letters Is Much More Important than something that isn’t.”
It also covers things that we already know from the current misinformed ‘impenetrable force-field’ perception of the helmet and the complete acceptance of a law that requires it:
“Once people see this a few hundred times, they’ll start believing it without even realizing it”
With this in mind, I also wondered whether we could add an appendage to helmets as a social experiment, such as a piece of tin foil to afford extra protection from flying objects & thought control and reduce gamma ray exposure, to see how long it would take people to think that the tin foil was essential.
So … any ideas for my fledgling religion?
We do already have the ‘Devil/anti-christ’ role filled by the venerable Stephen Joyce, but I’m very open to suggestions for commandments, religious outfits (I quite like purple), chants, a catchy name, narrative about how the world was formed etc …
For modern religions, it appears that then all we need is a website with a large ‘Donate’ button!
Sadly, (for your argument), most religions seem to involve violence at some stage & therefore Helmets!
i.e. Norse Mythology & the Valkyries, (the lady in the Domain definitely has a helmet on, awesome as it is).
Not to mention “Onward Christian Soldiers†& “A Pilgrims Progressâ€, in my copy Christian definitely had a helmet.
And we cyclists already have a religion, administered with fervor by the Velominati – the keepers of the cog.
http://www.velominati.com/blog/the-rules/
Oops, sorry, there’s Lycra involved & helmets, my bad.
@ Herben – Thanks for the heads up (no pun intended), I will definitely make 'no violence' commandment number one! Problem solved. Loved the Velominati, I did notice that there were very few references to helmets and in the picture at the top, they were riding in caps. Also, I was very surprised to see so many references to how one should look on a bike – even down to shaving your legs and prescriptions for how to wear ones' facial hair … cycle chic without the 'chic'
I think there is room for more than one cycling religion – they seemed very thin on chanting and performing miracles (like getting a helmet exemption), if you ask me.
@Unity,
no, trust me there's lots of chanting involved, most of it unrepeatable.
& currently, in my case, finishing the planned ride is a miracle.
On a slightly more serious note, it is my understanding that the religious exemption clause was intended for Sikhs (turbans) and possibly Orthodox Jews?
But I though <a href="http://www.copenhagenize.com/2008/07/cycle-helmets-and-other-religious.html">cycle helmets were religious icons</a>, they are a sort of magic juju hats…
Join the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (http://www.venganza.org/) and start wearing a pasta colander (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14135523) instead.
The helmet law certainly has a prophet figure (Rebecca Oaten, "The Helmet Lady") and a martyr (her late son, Aaron Oaten, who was extremely badly hurt and died a premature death after a helmetless cycle accident). Stories of her proselytizing forays abound with reports of religious fervour such as fainting: http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/4031829/Aarons-tragedy-spurred-Helmet-Ladys-crusade
The annoying thing about the helmet law is that there are good arguments for wearing helmets in many situations (I usually do wear one) but the arguments are not so compelling that reasonable people couldn't disagree. And there are many situations where helmets are completely unnecessary and discourage cycling.
The Dutch used the "mother force" in a different way in the 1970s. They went for improved infrastructure instead of a misguided, almost religious, belief in the protecting powers of a piece of curved flutterboard. It was a cheap trick/fix by our politicians and the result shows it.
Sorry, I must be feeling ill too, this is in danger of becoming a religious discussion!
@Joe D – love the colander idea! but then again you are still wearing a completely useless and daft-looking item on your head – so we're not much further forward apart from showing commitment to the flying spaghetti god.
I was thinking more along the lines 'thou shalt honour His greatness with free choice in head adornment and come into the light on a blessed bicycle'
Polystyrene and fibreglass block the transmission of positive energy from my God as we ride (Campagnolo – a popular Italian cycling god).
For this reason followers such as myself restrict our headgear to cotton, wool or felt in the winter and straw hats for summer pilgrimages to the beach.
Nandor Tanches has an exemption as a Rastafarain- The same as Sikhs in that they dont belive in cutting their hair. This brings in the question: Just how much hair do I need to prove my exemption case? If I was just a "naughty rasta", Ie I dont have a very natty dred set because I keep on submiting to Bablyons temptation and going to the barber too often, would NZTA decline or withdraw my exemption? If so, this means the state is now assesing and gradeing the quality of our religeouse observance. Just how long do you think an NZTA nanny state beurocrat would deem suitably rasta? "Didnt brush my hair yesterday" or one long fat dred right down to my bum?
Why not get real and let anyone who feels that they want an exemption, get one from the local post office. Make it easy, let people chose to gaer up when they want to and not when they dont.
@ Tom – very nice point. I'm not quite sure how to grow a dred (it sounds quite painful!) but perhaps someone could enlighten me or let me know where I could find a dred wig for a photo to send with my application.
http://www.bhsi.org/turbans.htm
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